The Value of Parent Expertise

Have you ever worked with a child whose classroom behavior left you thinking, “If only the parent responded differently at home, this might look different here?”

If you’ve been in education long enough, you’ve likely heard colleagues quickly attribute challenging behavior to parenting. It’s an easy assumption to make. But it’s also one that can quietly erode the very partnerships children need most.

After years in early childhood education, particularly in Head Start settings where family partnership is foundational, I’ve learned this: behavior is rarely about blame. It is about context.

Educators are trained in developmental milestones, behavior theory, classroom management, and instructional strategies.

Parents, on the other hand, learn to parent through experience, upbringing, culture, stressors, values, and trial and error. They may not use terms like “co-regulation” or “executive functioning,” but they know their child’s history, triggers, fears, and comforts in ways educators never fully will.

Teachers and parents view children from different lenses.

When educators default to “it’s the parenting,” we unintentionally create distance. Families feel judged. Defenses rise. Communication narrows.

And the child, the one we all care about, loses the benefit of aligned support.

Scheduling a meeting to “tell” parents how to manage behavior often does not produce the change we hope for. Not because parents don’t care, but because behavior is deeply connected to family systems, culture, trauma, work schedules, and stress.

If we only offer strategies without seeking understanding, we miss critical information.

True collaboration begins with curiosity:

• What works at home?

• When do you see this behavior most?

• What calms your child?

• Has your family experienced any stressfull situations lately?

• What are your goals for your child?

When educators approach families as partners rather than problems, conversations shift. We begin to bridge the gap between school expectations and home realities.

Dr. Tasha McMullan